Sitting in front of a PC for 8 hours used to be fun when i was 16.
The fact that life can just change. Not gradually, and not with someone like a parent helping you through it. Just come to an abrupt halt and shoot off in another direction.
This is my big fear. That a health issue will come along and completely "derail the train" of working every day, making money, keeping our home, sending our kids to college, etc. Kudos to you for caring for your partner.
Please take good care of yourself too.
*gestures vaguely at everything*
Your path to independence is filled with a loss of people. There are people you sincerely care about that will just disappear because of distance and growth in different directions. When I was a kid, I was afraid of losing everyone to death just because that was such a set out end. Now, I'd say the older people in my life that I've maintained friendships kinda just sail off into the sunset and its a good final resolution.
So. Well. Put.
Having a job I don’t like but can’t quit because it pays well and wouldn’t be able to get the schedule and paid leave anywhere else.
This is me right now. I like my job. I don't like my company. To have my job at another company would cost too much in daycare due to being a current remote worker with a flexible schedule, and similar jobs being in a farther metro downtown area.
Part of this can be attributed to Career Days we had in elementary schools. You only see the professions that were obtains by people who knew what they wanted to be from early on. Dentists, Police Officers, etc. You don't have office drones, call center reps, janitors, etc. coming to your school to talk about their jobs. So as a kid that is all you are exposed to and all you think exists.
Price of groceries
As a 15 year old boy, my mom has been great enough to let me budget the meals for when we go grocery shopping. A while back she had be cook dinner every night as well. I've learned that budgeting/planning is actually harder than cooking the meals themselves. Surviving on $100 a month for 4 people is a feat that I am glad to have made happen. I am grateful that my mom has taught me to budget and cook because now I'm more ready to be an adult.
My dog died on my birthday, in the hallway, in front of my 11 year old daughters room.
I'm so sorry.
How quickly it happened
I am turning 27 this year. And I know that doesn't seem that old to many people, but in my head I'm honestly still about 19. Except my body doesn't feel like 19, it feels at least 119 😒 it just seems to have flown by.
When you're 16, 25 seems so far away. And now I'm 25 and 16 feels like yesterday
There’s a line in Indiana Jones (4? I think) where someone says to Indy ‘We’ve reached the age where life stops giving you things and starts taking them away’.
I know it's a cliché but the key to happiness really is living in the moment and trying to be content with your lot, there is absolutely no point in worrying about things that might or might not happen or dwelling on the past as it robs you of happiness in the now. Equally dreaming about a better future where you have everything figured out robs you of the same thing.
Having all my close friends slowly drift apart
Yeah, this... all those board games collecting dust.
Tonight's no good how about Wednesday? Oh you're in Houston on Wednesday? Well then let's just not see each other for 8 months and it doesn't matter at all.
I am 36 and this is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. Friends and family drifting apart. For some reason I can't wrap my mind around it. Like, it really really hurts me. On a personal level. Logically I know it shouldn't but it does.
That's it for me. When I had a child, I passed on going out a lot. It was hard to find babysitters on short notice, didn't want to ditch my wife to handle the house alone. After awhile the calls stopped. Now I get out maybe 2-3 times a year, but it's hard for me to think there was a time when any given weekend, you could pick up a phone and find something to do or people to hang out with.
In HS, I had 2 good friends. The 3 of us were like brothers. We were ALWAYS together. Then one of us got a girlfriend, one of us moved away and we all said we'd keep in touch.
There's always something you have to do. Like even when relaxing there's things you really should be doing.
Every time I’m trying to relax these days I feel guilty that I’m not doing something else. It sucks.
My therapist was great about this. She basically said, there will literally never be an end to the list of things you think you "should" do. Prioritize your to do list and figure out what actually needs to be done and the stuff you want to do. All the other things will just make you feel overwhelmed.
Ugh yes. Especially if you own a home. The projects are always there, staring you in the face as you try and watch Netflix.
This right here. I mentioned this to my SO the other day. I said “Why does something have to always be going on. Always something on the to-do list. Why can’t I/we just come home with nothing on our minds and relax?”
The first time I got an ear infection so bad that it gave me vertigo. I made it to the bathroom before I threw up but missed the toilet, and I couldn't just crawl back into bed and sleep it off. I had to clean it up first, because there was nobody there to clean it up for me.
I got sick after drinking one night, collapsed into bed, and threw up on my sheets. I had to clean it all up myself. I think I repressed the memory of the smell.
Jesus, I got this some months ago. I thought at first it was food poisoning but it got progressively worse as I was driving home from work. Stumbled to my couch, tried sleeping it off for a few hours but woke up with everything still spinning.
Existential Crisis on a daily basis.
Paying attention to what makes "healthy" poops
I wish someone had taught me this years ago.
Cries in IBS
So, what does make healthy poops?
The sheer amount of bureaucracy involved in everything
Definitely this. I tell myself I can do my job, but I just feel like I'll be found out one day that I'm inadequate
Big time, it's bad enough when you work for someone. Absolutely detrimental when you're self employed and have to sell yourself to clients.
God, I felt this so intensely today. I am a mature age university student (in my 30's). I had a solid year at uni last year that resulted in me winning a scholarship for this year. Our uni year doesn't start for another 3 weeks but I got a call from one of my lecturers today. My first reaction was to think, "oh, they realised they fucked up and they have to give that scholarship to someone else." But no, she was calling to ask me to come and speak with all the first year students coming into my degree this year; an honour that I apparently earned, but still feel like a fraud for agreeing to do it. Not a fun mindgame.
Just discovered what that is and man, it feels so close.
Burying Dad, had to take charge but had mum and brother to take the strain and share the process.
I hope you find peace. I’m sorry for your losses
Right there with you. Lost my father, brother and then mother. Last member of my family still standing. No intention to have kids.
Having my wife (best friend, partner, other half) die at 47. Leaving me alone to continue on.
My wife passed on Dec. 15th. She was 46. I feel and share your pain. We were married 24 years.
Sorry man, i hope her memory lives on with your soul
My wife died 5 years ago on my 50th birthday. We were married 25 years. I was completely lost. It just takes a lot of time. I still tear up sometimes, like right now writing this.
My girlfriend died a while ago but we were only together for a year, I don’t know how you can bear a long term partner dying.
Probably that fact that I still feel like a kid, definitely don't have the sense of wisdom and maturity I expected.
My dad always said the voice in your head never changes. You just get older.
A friend I worked with said however you are when you're 22, is how you will be for the rest of your life. 50 year old dude over there, feels like he's 22 inside, but body/responsibilities can't keep up. Kind of depressing when you think about it.
Your parents getting noticeably older each time you see them
Seeing new gray hairs when I visit makes me feel sad :c
Anything finance-related. Bills, interest, loans, credit cards...I didn't understand most of it, nor did I take it seriously.
The education system in the US does kids a HUGE disservice when it comes to this. I never knew what credit was, I never knew what a mortgage was, or how you got loans (I thought most banks would just kinda give em to you if you hadn't had a bunch, idk), or how banks will charge you compound overdraft fees, refuse to help out with it, then file to collections and also to ChexSystems which will prevent you from getting another bank account down the road. The financial world is so complicated and nuanced, I cannot believe nobody ever mentioned any of it to me. Not once. If and when I have kids, I'm going to help them avoid all this nightmarish shit I've had to put up with when it comes to money. I'm gonna need to fix my credit before all of that happens, though. For sure.
Doing stuff for 8 hour a day
Let's be honest. Doing things for 4 hours a day and pretending to do things for the other 4.
It's shocking to see how much time work (and getting prepared for it) swallows.
How incompetent everybody is.
15 yo: "I know everything"
Sometimes my manager’s manager says things like, “I don’t know” or “you could handle this better than I could,” and it terrifies me. Don’t trust me. I’ve been working here for 6 months. You are supposed to know everything because you are the adultier adult!
Loneliness. The depressing monotony of working the same job day after day.
it hurts my soul for reals...the other day i was in the break room with my coworker and boss. i looked out the window and to be funny i said "theres a whole world out there" but we all felt the struggle of being stuck inside all day..
6 months into my career job, I was on the way to work one morning and thought to myself “oh this is why people hate their lives. I have 40 more years of this?”
I feel you brother. Every day I get up at 5:45, go to work and get home at 15:45 ish and sit alone in front of my pc until the next day. I never imagined being an adult would be like this..
Knowing as I get older so are my parents. I’m barely 23 and I can’t imagine losing my parents.
I was 23 when my dad died. I’m 30 now and I’m still rocked by it. His birthday was yesterday and I spent an hour watching scenes from his favorite movies on YouTube.
Dude, same. I’m 23 and each year gets harder and harder for me because of this.
I'm 27 and I just lost my mother. She was only 57, not even old. I always thought she would be around for another 30 years... Nothing can prepare you for something like that, so there's no use in worrying over it.
Interviewing for jobs that I don’t really want
Why should we hire you?
Damn that hurts. I would interview for jobs that I want, if I had any idea what jobs I want.
And having to win an Oscar for best actress when answering interview questions like, "why do you want this position?" and "where do you see yourself in 5 years?", Mate, I just need to pay my rent and have enough money left over to feed myself I give zero shits about making your company more fucking money.
Years ago I applied for a job at Chipotle, and 90% of the interview was the manager talking about the great opportunities the company gave him and they only want passionate and skilled workers who have drive (such as himself). He made the job seem super important and life changing. Then finally asked "Why do you want to work here? Why should I hire you?"
Why should we hire you for this cashier position?
Planning out a week's worth of meals before going to the grocery store and then not wanting to eat the meal I planned but doing it anyway
Worst part of this is remembering being a kid and having a go at your mom for buying the same shit week in week out, and then you get to adulthood and realise how impossible it is to plan a weeks meals just for yourself and that your mom was a literal hero because she managed this every week.
Or not wanting to eat the meal I planned so getting takeaways instead.
How fast time goes. Realizing that you don't have as much in common as those that are younger then you.
How tired I would be. All. The. Time.
Dude, I wake up tired every day. Even if I go a full week getting 8hrs/night average, I’m still tired. I can feel it in every part of my body - just aching. I live a fairly active life and eat relatively healthy; I just don’t know what it is.
God I feel this...
Being constantly tired can be a sign of mental health issues! Go get yourselves checked if it affects your day too much
Everything. I mean it. All of it. I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing. Edit: thanks for my first ever silver! Edit2: And gold!
You aren’t alone. I’m right there with ya man.
Almost no one does. That's part of why I hate social media - everyone presents their lives as being perfect and settled and as if they've got everything sorted. The reality is they don't, but they end up making you feel bad if you don't have everything figured out.
Laundry. The chore that is literally never finished.
I feel like dishes are worse. Then again I have more clothes than dishes and I do not have a dishwasher (I also don't have laundry in my building, but the dishes....)
...after the teenage boys decided to not participate in helping wit the laundry, i decided to no longer do theirs. it was a beautiful day when the first one realized they were out of clean socks and underwear, right before getting ready for school.
until you work from home and can live in the nude
The strong visceral wish for my parents to take care of me when I'm really sick or really sad. Not to the extent that I do anything about it, but how much I ache for that memory of how well they always cared for me when I lived with them. I had a terrible cold a few weeks ago and my spouse and kid were terrific, and friends and coworkers all kind and helpful, but I just kept thinking, if only Mom or Dad could cover me with a blanket and bring me soup and tell me not to worry about adulting for a while.
I'm 30 but still live very close to my parents. Last time I had the flu a year or two ago, my mom came. My boyfriend was at work, so my mom went to the store, bought me a sinus rinse kit, some Sprite, soup, and crackers. I didnt let her stay too long since I didnt want to pass my cooties off (not that moms can get sick anyway, but ya know) but I was glad she came, and she sent a text every day to see how I was feeling. Nothing like being taken care of by mom/dad no matter how old you get.
The fact that my progress in life, emotional, mental and physical, is completely and wholly my responsibility. No one really pushes you to do the right thing - it's ridiculously daunting.
This. If I don’t motivate myself to do something, I’ll never make any progress. When you’re young you have parents, teachers, etc to push you but when you’re an adult you have to do everything yourself.
Tons of things, but the one thing I never heard anyone else say - maybe they really don't have it or just don't want to say - is having to figure out how to bolster yourself, inspire yourself and reward yourself. As kids, we get parents, teachers, etc who (hopefully) encourage us, praise us for achievements, celebrate with us. You grow up and half the time your declaration of "hey, I did a good job with (whatever)" is met with an eye-roll or variations of 'oh, did you want a cookie?' I try to celebrate things and if I hear something good, no matter how insignificant it might seem to most people, has happened for someone else, I congratulate them or cheer them on. It just sucks that I don't know more people who react the same way.
This is true. I was super disappointed that in adult life I get constant "you did x wrong" "work faster" from management and never ever hear "good work" when I go above and beyond. And I discovered that's pretty typical for everyone, not just a shitty job.
When I get the payment for a large project I'll reward myself with a really nice bottle of whiskey and a Lego set. Then once the kids are asleep I'll indulge in my rewards
I came to this post saying the # 1up vote better be EVERYTHING. Kept scrolling till you happened... I might be the drunk guy on the toilet at 3 A.M., but you hit home, HARD.
Adults respond surprisingly well to praise, even what would normally be seen as childish praise, as long as you make sure not to sound like you're taking the piss. I walk by my coworkers and most of them have raised their desks and I praise them for being really good at making sure they get that hour of standing in at the desk, and you see them react really well to it, and the two that were still sitting instantly raise their desks up. Positive affirmation is definitely a thing on adults too, people just don't want to say something that might seem like you're babying adults.
Not having other adult friends, or even potential adult friends close at hand.
37.5 dude, are you Nordic ? What heaven are we talking about here.
My friends are so maddening. They all complain that they don't do enough, that we don't hang out like we used to, so I organise things and they don't turn up after either saying yes or not RSVPing.
Being in charge of all my meals. I gained 40 lbs within like 6 months Edit: For clarification this was like 14 years ago when I started college. And the main culprits were the chick fil a on campus and frozen food like pizza and corn dogs.
I have the opposite problem, where I'm not eating enough because I can't afford and don't have the energy to prepare all my meals. I was not prepared for how much time goes into actually feeding myself properly
The endless, endless, ENDLESS expenses. Surprise expenses, too. Like the steering of my car suddenly conking out, or my bed randomly breaking, or my car catching fire, or my dressing table stool leg falling off, or someone reversing into my car and fleeing... (All happened - my car is cursed).
Parents getting old
My dad passed away Halloween of 2017, so just over a year ago. I was nearly 22 and my 16 year old sister was looking to me for what to do. The mirror was the last place I was ready to look. Still dealing with assets and signatures and lawyers and pensions and grief. Nobody prepares you for that.
Next up: parents dying and one being widowed.
I feel this. My parents had me in their 40s, so they've always been older than my peers' parents. Now I'm keenly aware of anyone their age or younger dying of "old age" or problems that arise with age. It's all too real and I need a hug 24/7.
This hurts. I'm not even that old but I remember one time when I younger I looked at my mother face and I saw a wrinkle that wasn't there before. Same goes with my dad, I remember seeing a gray hair that he plucked out his head... Now his whole beard and head hair is gray.
My mom bought me the book “Someday” for my 21st birthday a few years back. The book is a children’s book written from the perspective of the mother about her and her daughter and the ups and downs they go through together in their lives. The book ends with an image of the daughter who is now an old woman on a porch looking at a sunset seemingly reminiscing about her mother and the line “and you’ll remember me”. My mom filled nearly every page of the book with little quotes and speech bubbles that had significance to our lives and our relationship together (like “my little bald baby” over one of the pictures of the infant daughter because I didn’t have much hair for the first year of my life or “soon to play the piano” written next the hands of the daughter as a newborn because I used to play the piano).
Yeah... stop this train
That nobody gives a shit about you
Downside: Nobody cares. Upside: Nobody cares!
Having my back hurt all the time dude I sound like a glow stick
I'm scared of sneezing as on more than one occasion I've pulled my back from it.
If people hold you too long you get all sorts of weird fluids on them
Same. Started happening to me at fucking 20.
Realizing that time does in fact fly by.
A wise man once said "The years start coming and they don't stop coming."
Write a journal. It does wonders to combat this illusion. You might think “well this month/year went by fast!” but then you check your journal and you realize:
Ticking away - the moments that make up a dull day.
26 and hitting me full force. You notice in pictures and catch yourself at a bad angle in the mirror. The worst for me is the cameras at the self checkout in the grocery. They point right on my head and have a light. Looks horrible. At least I got in shape
Cooking the stuff my mom makes with ease. It's not as easy as it looks and nowhere near as tasty. I'm learning though.
I have the total opposite experience. I realized that cooking wasn't too terrible and there are thousands of recipes out there! No more shitty meatballs and rice, shake n bake, or hamburger helper. Now is the time for lo mein, chicken pineapple quesadillas, pulled pork, and so much more. It's rare that my food comes from a can or box any more.
I have tried to make so many of dishes and I ask my mom to show me how to make them every time I go home. But it never tastes the same when I cook in my apartment
Still thinking my parents are adults but I’m not.
I’m constantly looking for a more qualified adult for supervision
If you ever have children for yourself, you'll also realize that your parents had no idea what that were doing while raising you.
Sometimes when something happens to our house or need to do something important, my first thought is, “when is an adult going to fix this?” Then I realize I am the adult and I need to do it. Mindblown.
The crushing realization that no matter how hard I try, I will not be able to stop this body from slowly decaying. Sure I can slow it and what not but eventually im gonna be so old that I cant hold back my shits.
Or you die first, which is maybe more depressing.
Marrying and having kids with the wrong person can ruin your life
Reading relationship related subreddits made me realize that a LOT of people fuck up their lives this way.
how expensive it is to live/exist and the fact that everyone lives outside of their means
Blows my mind that most people choose to get loans or finance every little thing
I do home appraisals and can see how much people owe on their mortgages vs home value and it is INSANE how many people live outside their means. So many that have $700,000 houses and owe $650,000. They use their house as an ATM and are going to be screwed late in life
That I needed to learn to think a few years ahead all the time. Not like, have a Five Year Plan, but just getting my head around how long it takes to make changes that stick, and how that happens more easily if I'm in the habit of thinking, what do I hope to be doing in 2022?
Honestly, I didn’t think I’d live this long
A better question would be what part was I prepared for?
The price of cheese
This. Somehow every time we go to the grocery we spend like $30 on different cheese items.
Pretty much everything, I wish I could stay forever a young.
No free time. Sure I have money but I havent got any time to bloody do stuff with it - and if you have time, then no money!
Seeing my mom getting old.
Still not having the answer to "what do you wanna be when you grow up"
I figured that at some point I'd actually feel like an adult, but I still feel like a 19 year old who's just faking the funk. Also sleeping "wrong" is a thing now. Didn't see that one coming.
I prefer it. I'm 43, last relationship ended 4 years ago. Now I live 15 miles from my nearest neighbor and go days without seeing another human. Fucking paradise.
That sucks dude but its not always true.
I moved from home to a major city. It was insanely lonely and kinda boring the first few weeks. I ended up making friends via work, volunteering, church, and luckily a friend of a friend introduced me to her squad. But I got really lucky.
The constant stress over bills
Even when you have enough to pay for them. stress. is. still there.
That you have to pretend to be nice, to assholes, or else you'll look like a shrill, immature, blunt, a$$hole, yourself!
That common quip about how money can't buy happiness?
I think that’s more about like it doesn’t solve emotional turmoil. As someone once said “money can’t buy happiness. But it’s a lot better crying in a Benz.”
If I remember right, financial stress is the leading cause of divorce
yeah this is a rich people line
I recently got laid off. The financial security that afforded me was priceless.
“Money isn’t everything, not having it is”
Initially I wasn't prepared for being the driver in a world full of shitty drivers. I'd always been the passenger. Some form of metaphor there, I think.
The fact that very few people actually end up doing what they like for a living. That most of our childhood dreams are more dreams now then ever and that doimg your best isn't always enough to achieve them. Knowing that mom isn't very Happy with how her life turned out, that dad also feels the same, that I'm not studying what I love and will be doing something else... I don't know how to deal with this pattern.
Too much responsibility. I feel scared to be honest. I feel scared to be the leader. I always looked up to my parents and trusted them with all their decisions. I don't want to believe that some day, I will be more capable than them, and that I'll have to be the one to be the leader.
The other day my wife dropped a pencil in the dryer lent trap... Normally I'd call my dad and ask for advice, instead I looked at the dryer, grabbed my tools and got the pencil out so it wouldn't start a fire. My dad went from being my parent to also my friend a while ago.. but now he's my peer somewhat. It may seem insignificant, but taking care of that symbolized that I don't need him as much and I'll be okay. I did call him to tell him that.. he just laughed and was glad that his hardworking is paying off. I know you say that you don't want that day to come, but it will, and you'll act because you're ready to do it.
It is because you are afraid that you should be the leader. You will be more careful knowing that your decisions carry weight.
Disappointment. When I was younger, I didn't care as much about others and why they were the way they were and how it affected me. Now I'm disappointed by nearly everything. That I'm not as successful as I'd like to be, that I don't have many friends, that the friends I do have aren't that great, that I've been forcibly separated from the person that makes me happiest.
Cleaning and finances
The way your body seriously begins to break down. Every morning, it's something new. and being exhausted all the time.
A lot of negative aspects in this thread - here are some positive ones that I didn't expect:
The proportion of adults whose sole profitable skill is leeching off other people, mainly by creating social situations where it takes less effort to give them what they want (but don't deserve) rather than staying strong in the face of their tantrum.
Realizing my decisions, actions, and opinions directly impact this small person I made. It's terrifying.
Everything just needs so much damn upkeep
Oh shit, I'm an adult still.
Getting cheated on. May not happen to every one but this is part of being an adult. You deal with it, you learn from it and you move on.
being so far from friends and family. and dealing with upcoming emotions from drinking booze
Liquor store is much closer than friends and family.
Owning a home.
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